Saturday, June 4, 2016

Memories Recalled

That moment that forever imprinted my life drenches my soul. 
The memory of that reality encloses its grip and remains. 
The chapters of my life become 
divided between capsules of time; 
there was life before and life afterward. 
The death of my mother gave me a place to pour my heart; 
holder of my spirit. 
Before her death, my mother resonated love. 
She found her heart to be a place 
that could be a gift to her children. 
Time became irrelevant when within her midst.

The day her soul was taken, her love transformed. 
No longer could she speak the words I love you. 
Rather, she can translate them through a feeling, 
through a memory, through a reminder. 
The measures of her existence 
are the breaths that added up to a lifetime 
and every step she took that became her journey. 
Within those breaths and steps, 
she created a life that she wanted to live. 

Words to think about. Have a wonderful day.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016


The change we create out of our circumstances is what comes to define us. All the groundwork and cultivation within the soul makes way for transformation.

The place between devastation and joy is a bridge built out of individual stones. Each stone represents a single moment of change that comes to define who we are. Pretty soon, as the stones are laid aside each other and atop of one another, there is a pathway into a new life. 

Looking back at your old life will revive a sense of purpose deep within each of us. The past does not reflect our future. The person we were yesterday is a mere shadow of the person standing here today. The person looking off into the distance of what was may not even recognize the eyes of the former self. 

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Definitive Moments

     What does it mean to know life? To be able to define our world around us? We are pulled to immerse ourselves in the comfort of our own existence. Sometimes we become defined by mortality yet the soul yearns to extend beyond. Our subjective experience gives us a platform of understanding. The confines in our minds can limit our influence. The pebble of our truth becomes our compass to guide us in the calm oceans and torrential seas of our lives.
     Learning to trust this inner compass provides a place of solitude and gratitude. Tears we cry fall into the ocean and help to anchor our boat. The breath of life becomes wind beneath our sails. This breath carries us and gives movement toward a new home. I have known life from many different angles. The scenery from the bottom is dark and hollow and sparse. The view from the middle is full of newness of life and hope for a bountiful tomorrow. My favorite is the view from top where the flowers have bloomed and the colors are incredible. The top is the place where we become right with ourselves and learn to forgive for any mistakes. This means that our souls are free to use our energy toward goodness.
The debris that is left for my soul to sort out has not become a to-do list of things to accept and discard, accept and discard. How do I begin to pick up the pieces of my life? All the pieces are scattered everywhere; some still left of the side of that fateful highway. The inventory of my soul needs to be sifted through. Only when I know what happened and why I am better for it, can God look at me and shed tears for his healed Child.
Mother, I looked for you everywhere. I waited for you to come around the corner. My eyes could not accept any other fate. There was an unspoken promise between us that you would always be there. I didn’t get to hear you say good-bye or tell me you loved me. The direct cut off of your existence confused my heart. You didn’t show up for Thanksgiving or Christmas. You didn’t hold my hand or hug me when I hurt. I am caught between searching for you and flying a white flag, signaling my resignation. I gradually became masked and cocooned into myself. No one could hurt me there. It is much easier to say it is all okay than to admit my pain has paralyzed my heart. 

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Motherless Day

Mother's Day came and left again this year. It forces me to think about and reflect upon what I am missing in my life. I am reminded of the mother that no longer is here to hug me. She is no longer here to wipe my tears or hold my hand. I still feel the gaping hole of sadness that has been left behind. I want to be able to accept this life without a mother. There are often reminders of what I have lost and who I do not have. I am reminded that her sweet embrace is forever taken from me. I am reminded that through my tears, my reality will not change. I am forced to forge ahead without this all-encompassing love.

Even though it has almost been thirteen years, my heart still remembers. The memories of who my mother was may fade or threaten to leave, but my soul holds onto my mother's memory with everything it has. I walk through this life with a sadness that will never go away. I long to hear my mother express her love for me and offer me safety. I have to remind myself that although  time does not heal all wounds, time does simmer down my grief. I can tolerate moving forward and figure out who I am supposed to be. Particularly on this day,  I am reminded of the fierce love that exists between mother and daughter. I am able to offer myself hope that love does still exist and that loss does not mean that I stop living life.

Looking around at all the strength and admiration for mothers, I can rest in the solace that my mother loved me and that a love like that does not disappear. Perhaps it adapts and morphs into something a little less tangible but a lot more encompassing. I will always be a daughter. I will always feel her love. <3

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

It Still Hurts

Even though some of us have experienced loss many years ago, the pain still lingers. While I will always feel the absence of my mother, I also feel her strength. 

"Some things cannot be fixed, they can only be carried."

What things do you still carry with you that provide strength and hope?

Sunday, November 1, 2015


It is now the start of November--- with all the hope and expectation of the next two months. Let us remember who we are and what we strive to be in every moment. You have a brave soul that may have been challenged, yet you strive to carry on. Within that, you are brave.